SEND ME ALL YOUR VAMPIRES

[adrien]

WHEN THINGS WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO SAY,
WAY UP ON THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BOSS DJ

BUT I WON'T WALK UP ON THE SEA LIKE IT WAS DRY LAND

OH, IT'S SO NICE; I WANNA HEAR THE SAME SONG TWICE

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Adrien stood outside in the semi-darkness, hopping from one stick-skinny leg to the other, hands shoved into his black jacket's pockets. It wasn't necessarily the cold he was moving around from: quite the opposite, really. It was early July in Boston, and even for a New England city, the weather was pretty warm. A familiar, heavy sort of summer humidity was hovering all over the city, and Adrien sighed heavily. It was probably ridiculous he was even wearing a jacket in the first place, but it had become sort of a habit, wearing either a hoodie or something of that sort whenever he went out. Call it a weird kind of comfort or just making a fashion statement, but he felt like an outfit wasn't complete with just a t-shirt or v-neck. Though, it probably wasn't the best idea that he had dressed up fairly nicely this evening, considering where he was going out to. Thanks to his stupid best friend, who was impulsive and obnoxious and daring and just ridiculous, he was standing off to the side of the entrance of a gay bar. Yes, a gay bar. You would have thought Adrien would have attempted to look, like, below-average or something for his and his buddy's little escapade, but no. He'd decked out in tight black jeans, a dress jacket, a white dress shirt, and eyeliner. Good lord. Sometimes, the fact he had major self-esteem issues and had to compensate by wearing fashionable clothes and makeup really sucked.

His hazel eyes darted around him, for a moment, trying to peer through the hazy, street-lamp-lit darkness for his best friend, who had seem to run off to...somewhere (who knew with him, really?), and Adrien groaned. "Dammit, Ben,"

[/b] he muttered, glaring daggers at the cobblestone street beneath his feet. He looked away for one second, one, and then all he heard was a quick, "berightback!," and next thing he knew, when he turned back, his companion was gone. Knowing his best friend, he had probably run off to go fix his eyeliner. Or randomly buy something. Or he'd probably already gone inside. Or, he'd probably just totally ditched Adrien to leave him fending for himself in front of a gay bar in the middle of Boston at almost midnight, because "the mental image of him all upset and freaking out in front of a gay bar by himself was funny as shit," or something stupid like that. Adrien seriously wouldn't rule out that last option: Ben had done worse. All his little escapades were in "good humor" of course (well, his version of "good humor...") and afterwards he spent several hours cooing out apologies and cuddling up to Adrien and giving him the last of his M&Ms and actually watching Moulin Rouge! with him for the hundreth time, and, well. Adrien couldn't stay mad long. That was the way of Ben Nelkin: he could weasle his way out of anything by being his typical adorable, happy-go-lucky, puppy-dog self.

God, why was he best friends with this kid, again?

The guitarist groaned again, louder than before, this time. He brought his spidery, thin hands up and covered his face, shaking his head a bit in his typical "woe-is-me" fashion (Adrien was sort of a drama whore, really) and then bringing them back down just in time to see a passing group of college kids give him the single most "weirded-out" look to probably ever exist. Blinking, Adrien felt a heat rise to his face and he mentally thanked God it was dark out so that they couldn't see him blush red as a tomate as the two guys in the group looked up once at the brightly-lit, neon, gay bar sign to Adrien's right, and then back to the boy with an even more horrified expression on their faces. "Er, uh...hey?"[/b] Adrien stammered out, pathetically nodding his head once in awkward awknowledgment and giving the group of friends a half-smile. As if him attempting so socialize would make his situation any better.

The girls in the group just giggled, pulling their still very horrified boyfriends farther along down the stright to mingle in the Boston crowd.

Adrien's gaze followed them, and he exhaled softly: a mix of frustration and disbelief that this was even happening. Suddenly, he heard the door to the bar open next to him, the sound of laughter, talking, and music spilling out of the building, and Adrien blinked, quickly looking to the side, hoping it was Ben. But, as soon as he caught sight of two very...homosexual looking men walking out, pausing in their conversation to blatantly check him out, Adrien wanted to die and melt into a puddle of goo right then and there on the side of the Boston street.

Oh, God. And the bar was probably filled with a million more of those guys. This was going to be an interesting night.

Quickly blushing, gaze turning straight ahead, counting the seconds until the couple started their murmuring back up and headed off, away from him, Adrien debated on killing his best friend later. When he got back to the tour bus, which he was going to do very shortly if Ben didn't reappear in, oh, five seconds, he would plot the singer's demise farther. Something very, very, very painful. And slow. Painful and slow. "Ben," Adrien hissed into the night, looking at his surroundings again, hoping to spot his best friend somewhere. "Ben fucking Nelkin, where are you, dammit?"[/b][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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TAGS: benbenben.
TEMPLATE: me. and lyrics are by sublime, from their song "boss dj." (yes, mj, that is the song from that damn video xP thankyouverymuch)
WORDS: 912
MUSIC: "if i had a million dollars" - barenaked ladies
OUTFIT: here.

[benjamin raine nelkin]

WITH THE ATTENTION SPAN OF, OH let's say that of an two year old, it was easy to forget things the moment you thought of them. it wasn't always the case. benjamin could keep focus on something for a while if he was determined. most of the time at least. if it was something he really wanted, or needed, then he was able to focus. that was how he managed to get through a single concert. he'd put in his all when he was playing. bringing out the passion and putting on a show. that was all performance was about. the stage wasn't a place for shenanigans, recklessness. he may not seem like the type, but he took his "work" seriously. he couldn't mess this up. this was one of his few shots to make something out of himself, something to prove to the world that benjamin nelkin wasn't another dirtbag, another loss cause. he could make it through the criticisms and just work harder and harder, perfecting every last flaw until it no longer existed. it was in his nature to do so. he was a secret perfectionist. it applied mostly about his work. he had once before written an album's worth of songs in one sitting. no one had ever seen them though. he didn't believe that they were good for anyone else to see. there were so many flaws and fumbles though out them. honestly, he doubt anyone would see them. but anyway.

and... ok, it might have been a dick move for him to rush off from his friend, his best friend at that, alone on a street in boston while he rushed off. and honestly, he wasn't doing it to be a dick. he just happened to see a light coming from one of the stores a little ways down the street and seeing the familiar sign of those brand of cigarettes he happened to smoke. bad habit, yes, he knew it. he'd gotten bitched at by more people than he can count about it. but it was an addiction he wasn't bond to quit anytime soon. bad thing for his lungs, might be good for his anxiety. slight anxiety at least. but at the time, it seemed like a smart idea to go get a new pack while he knew he was out. and that was really all he was going to do, until he entered the store (and honestly, what store is open at midnight? oh god knows, but he was thankful. sort of. creeped out most definitely though) and noticed the colorful display by the counter that would consist of all the candies the store had. five year old at heart? most definitely. and it might have taken him longer to decide what he wanted. but how was he supposed to decide between those cute little gummy bears and the classic skittles. yes it was definitely a tough choice.

in the end, skittles was. (and he would try not to through them across any place this time.) those and a pack of cigarettes later, he was out of the store. and somehow, he had managed to sneak the rectangular box into the pocket of his almost hazardously tight jeans. though, he had learned a few tricks to it. things like pushing them in at the right angle and the right pressure helped a lot. and there were a few other things that weren't really important. after he had done that, most of his attention was focused on the red bag in his hands. a smile formed on his lips as he opened the bag and poured an array of rainbow colors into his hand. those little circles soon ended up in his mouth. and yeah, he definitely made a good choice. he felt accomplished.

his brightly colored nikes, the ones that didn't quite match his outfit but did somehow, occasionally scrapped along the sidewalk as he made his way back over to his friend. still feeling like an asshole as well. along the way, he continued to pop skittles into his mouth. and.. he thought that he was going in the right direction at least. a few more minutes, and he saw the familiar figure of an adrien ross. the small smile that had been on his lips most of the time grew into a grin. "adrien!" he shouted, excitedly, wrapping his arms around the other's waist when he was close enough. "skittle?" he asked, holding out the little bag and presented it to the taller male. a grin on his lips. sometimes, the twenty year old could be a real idiot. and sometimes be about ten times more energized than he should be. especially at midnight. truthfully, who the hell acted like a little kid at this time? when they're sober at least. though, most of his case could be the amount of sugar he's taken in throughout the day. oh, that should be a fun crash later on.

on arm uncurled itself from the guitarist's waist and brought the hand up to fix his glasses, the red-framed ones he's had for only god knows how long. it might have been then that he remembered why they were here. right, gay bar. the grin on ben's lips might have grown just a bit more. "shall we head in?" he asked, trying to keep himself from laughing at a few mental images that he had projected in his mind. one consisting of adrien being scarred for life, and that lesbian one from before. and there were a few other ones. but if this ever came up in a discussion, ben would just blame the other. 'cause really, he had been the one to mention it and got it into his mind to come. so, theoretically, it was all adrien's fault. end of story.

ben moved away from the boy, and went to open the door of the bar, holding it open. "after you, pretty lady," he teased with a smirk playing on his lips as looked at the boy.

TAG adrien ross!
WORDS 1,007
OUTFIT prettylittlegayboy<3
CREDIT banner, template: mary jane. lyrics: bright eyes.
NOTES when i was writing the whole ADD thing. i was so... not focused at all and suffered from it horribly. and he's just a loser.<3

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[adrien]

WHEN THINGS WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO SAY,
WAY UP ON THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BOSS DJ

BUT I WON'T WALK UP ON THE SEA LIKE IT WAS DRY LAND

OH, IT'S SO NICE; I WANNA HEAR THE SAME SONG TWICE

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Adrien was just about ready to give up on his best friend. He was seriously this close to throwing his hands in the air, grumbling something about how much of a "total doucheface" Benjamin Nelkin was, and turning around and walking as far away from that corner of the street and gay bar as fast as possible. He had had enough of total embarrassment and awkwardness for one evening, thankyouverymuch. It was pathetic he'd only been standing there, not even in the friggin' bar itself, for only, what? Ten minutes, tops? No way he could possibly stand it for...however long Ben wanted to keep them there. He wasn't going to even bother with an explanation when his best friend got back to the bus later, either. Ben would probably be all bitchy to see that he hadn't stayed (if it hadn't been his original plan to just leave Adrien there on the side of the street and get him all pissy later, of course). Whatever, Adrien mused, he'd get over it.

But, a second before he was stepping out onto the street to hightail it out of there, an all-too familiar voice called his name: bright, chipper, and completely unaffected. Adrien groaned, and he froze where he was, hazel-eyed gaze moving up to spot his best friend all but skipping up (good lord, he had Skittles; this was going to be a fun night) to greet him. His brow immediately furrowed, his features darkening as a very displeased look fell across them. "Ben," he started, voice low, obviously upset. Adrien was definitely not going to hide the fact he was angry, frustrated, embarrassed, and just...just pissed. "Where the hell have you been?" Adrien inhaled, quickly, angrily, putting his hands on his hips in a very...overly-dramatic fashion as Ben moved closer. He opened his mouth to continue spurting out the million and one reasons he should just be leaving and not talking to Ben for three days and blahblahblah, but before he could speak another word, Ben's lean arms were locked around his tiny waist and he had that stupid and effing adorable and irresistable smile on his plump lips, and well, yeah. Adrien's mouth clamped shut and he sort of stared at his best friend and wondered how the hell someone like Benjamin Nelkin existed. Like he said before, the kid could get anyone out of a bad mood, even Adrien Ross (who was known for his grudges and ocassional brutal bitchiness), with a smile or laugh. Or, you know, in this case, a touch.

Adrien tried to ignore the way his body tingled and his face warmed up at his friend's arms around him, and he blinked his big, eyeliner-coated eyes at him. Shaking his head slightly, he wiped that stupid grin off of his lips and his bitch!face quickly took its rightful place back on his features. Lightly slapping Ben's hand away, he scoffed, trying to act more pissed than he really was after Ben's little show of affection, which cooled him down considerably. "No, I don't want any Skittles!" he quickly replied, frowning. "Is that why you ditched me? To go get candy?" Adrien huffed. "I had to stand here, completely alone, in front of a gay bar and get mocked by a bunch of college kids and get checked out by two very homosexual guys who looked like they wanted to cover me with frosting or chocolate or something and eat me, all because you wanted sugar!" The guitarist put a pout on his lips, nowhere near as lethal as Ben's, but still pretty decent, and he lowered his voice to a perfect little self-pitying tone. "I've already been scarred enough and we haven't even gone inside, Ben."

Yes, Adrien Ross could be quite a whiny little bitch when he so desired.

He wasn't sure if he was really expecting his little speal of "oh, woe is me!" to convince Ben to turn around and decide they should head back to ths bus instead of inside (yeah, no), but it was worth a shot. And when Ben just took a hand off of Adrien's waist to momentarily re-adjust his glasses (the red ones: Adrien's favorite pair. He sort of wondered if Ben knew that), and finally, to offer to go inside, Adrien really wasn't surprised. Exhaling deeply in a sigh, the skinny boy looked at the ground momentarily, and then back up at his best friend, and with a small, crooked, forced smile, he simply agreed, "Fine."

[/color] It was no use arguing, really. Besides, they were getting weird looks from people passing by, because, hell, they probably seriously looked like an aruging, gay couple the way Adrien was going on and Ben had his arm around his waist. At this point, Adrien just wanted to get out of the Boston streets' public eye.

Ben then moved, pulling open the door for his best friend, and Adrien hesitated only a moment before sighing again and stepping forward. Seeing that ridiculous little smirk on his best friend's face, hearing the sarcastic little comment, and only imagining what he was thinking, Adrien got up close to the singer as he passed by him in the doorway, pointing an accusing finger in his face and shooting him a glare. "Hey, Nelkin,"[/color] he started, voice sharp. "Watch it."[/color] He turned back, then, to keep heading in, but quickly, he turned again and added, "And don't you dare think of pinning this little escapade on me. I was joking. You're the idiot that dragged us here."[/color]

Then, huffing slightly, the guitarist headed into the bar. Immediately, the smell of cigarettes and liquor hit his nose, and he scrunched it up, frowning. Gaze moving over everyone in the crowd, feeling several sets of eyes fall on them, Adrien felt a sudden unease rise in his stomach. For being a rockstar, he hated alcohol, due to his dad and past. He always felt uncomfortable in places like this; he never really knew what to do. He usually just sat back, watching everybody, observing, and if he really felt like socializing, he'd maybe strike up a conversation. But he was never really good at it. Honestly, he usually let...well, he let Ben take the lead. He was the charismatic, outgoing, fun one. Turning around, Adrien tried to hide his unease and gave his best friend an awkward smile and a weak laugh. "So, uh, what...now?"[/color] He felt himself smirk the slightest bit. "This is the first time I've been a gay bar, y'know. I'm not exactly sure what the standard...protocal is?"[/color] Not that he exactly expected Ben to know, either, but, hey. He had a better chance at figuring something out than Adrien, that was for sure. [/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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TAGS: benbenben.
TEMPLATE: me. and lyrics are by sublime, from their song "boss dj." (yes, mj, that is the song from that damn video xP thankyouverymuch)
WORDS: 1117
MUSIC: "surrender" - cheap trick
OUTFIT: here.

[benjamin raine nelkin]

OK, SO BEN WAS AWARE THAT adrien would have been mad at him, angry, whatever. after all, he had just completely abandoned the boy in the middle of an unfamiliar city. yeah, he definitely deserved the little bitch attack from his friend. but that didn't stop the pout from forming on his lips, his full bottom lip sticking out just a little bit. you would think after all this time, he would have grown immune to these types of things, but no. they till affected him like it was the first time it had happened. for someone as carefree and childish as he was, the boy took a lot to heart. he hated knowing that he had done something wrong, that he had hurt someone. he always felt like shit was the news was given to him, even if he had already known it. and for some reason, he felt worse coming from adrien. maybe it was because the boy had been hurt so many times before and he had wanted to stop that. or maybe it something else. he wasn't sure, but he tried hard not to think about it. he didn't need anything to grab a hold of him and take him away again. subconsciously that is. he didn't like finding new things about himself. most of the time, he wasn't things he liked. so he just avoided them most of the time. "i'm sorry," he said in almost a whisper as his wide brown eyes looked up at his friend. (and he may wanted to say something about the other's comment about the guys covering him in frosting or chocolate, but decided he valued his life a little bit too much to have his death happening outside a gay bar in boston.) he without much thought of it, he added an inch or two to his height by lifting himself up on his toes and presses his lips lightly against the boy's cheek. and it was really nothing new. ben had always been affectionate, sometimes too much, with his friends. he was really waiting for the slap in the fast some day.

he ignored the thoughts going on in his head, the ones about how he was a horrible person, as he held the door open. his smirk grew a little bit more as he heard adrien's comment and he just shook his head. part of him really hoped that his friend wasn't hoping that he wouldn't take that as a threat. 'cause even though the boy could out bitch any girl, he looked like the type that wouldn't even hurt a fly. but that was just ben's opinion. "i think i will anyway. if you really didn't want to come, you would have protested more. and you didn't have that much objection if i remember correctly," he smirked more, following the boy into the bar. his fingers wrapped around the other's wrists when they were inside, mostly because he didn't want to lose the boy; though, depending if he drank and how much he had, they would probably get separated at some point. but that's only if he happened to drink. a slight laugh slipped through full, full lips at his best friend's question. he leaned up against the boy, leveling his mouth with the other's ear. "just relax, he whispered, his free hand falling onto the other's hip, "and have fun." he stayed liked that for a moment longer, maybe a moment too long, before he pulled back.but while his mind was almost fully racing on the inside, nothing on the outside had changed too much. "you do know how to have fun, right?" he teased, forcing his fingers back into red bag of candies and taking the final few out. he placed one between his lips before swiping his tongue across and bringing it into his mouth. the other one, he placed it in between his fingers and brought it to adrien's lips. "open." he sort of demanded, only not really. but it didn't really matter if the boy obeyed or not, the thing was going into his mouth whether he liked it or not. yeah, ben was a real ass. but it sort of worked for him. right?

turning his eyes toward the crowd that had built up since the opening, he laughed a bit on the inside. yeah, sure, he was gay and he had been in a few gay bars before (if he remembers correctly, his eighteenth birthday at one. celebrating with his friend of course. he wasn't on speaking terms with his parents at the time), but he still couldn't laugh at the people in them. they were either oh, so obviously gay (almost like what ben thought himself as) or they surprised the hell out of you. and then there were all the people inbetween. and then there were a few straight people occasionally. either way, ben found a way to amuse himself. "c'mon," he said, turning his attention back to his friend, and leading him over to where the bar was. there, he had let go of adrien's wrist and leaned against the counter. so, maybe, he had purposely stuck his ass out just a little bit. but only a little bit. there, he tapped his fingers and swayed his hips a bit at the beat of the music until the bartender came over. "can i get a water? and whatever he's having," he ordered, motioning over to where adrien was at the second part. yeah, sure, he easily had a fake i.d. in his pocket (one he'd only needed for a few more weeks until he could get rid of the thing) and he could have ordered some sort of liquor. but the night was still early, as they said. and he might have wanted to avoid hearing any lectures from adrien. he was sure he was going to hear one anyway.

soon after taking the first sip of his water, he felt a pair of arms slip around his waist and a voice in his ear. "hey cutie, come dance with me." a grin fell onto ben's lips as he leaned back against the other body, turning his head to look at the male. "i'd love to," he started, before pulling his body away from him and moving closer to adrien. he grabbed his friend, turning him a bit, before pressing his back against his chest, lacing their fingers with both hands and resting them on his hipbones. "but i'm taken tonight, sorry." he smirked a bit, before tilting his head up and pressing a kiss to adrien's jaw for added effect. yeah, sure, it might have been a bit much. but would you expect anything less from benjamin nelkin? no? i didn't think so. but, hey, at least it got the other guy to go away. even if ben did feel a bit bad about it as the guy stalked off. the way he saw it though, he would have felt worse for leaving adrien there alone. though, after the guy had left, ben didn't move himself from the other. his hands squeezed the other's lightly as his head rested against the nape of his neck. "speaking of dancing," he said, his brown eyes looking up at adrien, "we should, yeah?" his eyebrows raised as he asked, a soft glint in his eyes as well. yeah, he was a bit of a dork.

TAG adrien ross!
WORDS 1,238
OUTFIT prettylittlegayboy<3
CREDIT banner, template: mary jane. lyrics: bright eyes
NOTES i love him. end of story.

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[adrien]

WHEN THINGS WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO SAY,
WAY UP ON THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BOSS DJ

BUT I WON'T WALK UP ON THE SEA LIKE IT WAS DRY LAND

OH, IT'S SO NICE; I WANNA HEAR THE SAME SONG TWICE

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The guitarist frowned. As aformentioned several times, Ben Nelkin was just so good at turning a situation around with his charisma and charm. Adrien could be as super pissed as he was right now, and the minute that boy shot him a smile, a pout, or an "I'm sorry," almost all anger would completely fade away. Which was, unfortunately, the situation Adrien found himself stuck in at that very moment. Ben widened his pretty little eyes and put a pout on his pretty little mouth and let out a sad little apology, and boom. Adrien was pretty much a goner. Good lord, he really wished his best friend didn't have this much power over him; it was ridiculous. There were so many moments that Adrien just wished he could hate Ben: wished he could just yell at him and storm off and never have to see his face again, deal with him again. Even though there were the ocassional moments were Ben very simply, just annoyed him to no end and Adrien said he wished he'd never have to put up with his shennanigans anymore, those true-blue moments when Adrien got really upset were when Ben drank. When the petty frustrations turned into real anger, hurt, and fear, and he would watch as his best friend tumbled onto the buzz slurring words and laughing obnoxiously at 4AM, because those were the moments when Ben reminded him most of his father, and that terrified Adrien. Ben Nelkin had always been his safe haven; a calm within the storm, which was ironic, considering the other boy was anything but calm, but, whatever, it worked. Adrien always found himself going back to Ben, no matter how much he had yelled or bitched the night before at his drunken, dazed friend's expression, because the next morning Ben, all hungover and groggy, would shuffle over to Adrien's bunk, or Adrien on the couch, and he'd slide up next to the boy's skinny body without a single word, wrapping his warm arms around his waist and pulling him close, nuzzling into his skin and whispering, "I'm sorry." And, then, really, how could Adrien be mad anymore? It was moments like those that Adrien sometimes wondered what exactly made him care about Ben so much. Sure, he was hilarious and sweet and gorgeous and really talented, but what was really the thing that drew them to each other all those years ago in that first year of college? No matter how hard he tried, Adrien could never seem to remember. It was just something ingrained in his memory from the very beginning of his adult life: Ben Nelkin. It was inexplainable. One of those things that could never really be defined, if you asked the guitarist, sort of like--well, love. Like love.

Adrien shivered before he could stop himself, and quickly, he pushed the thoughts away.

When Ben's lips met his cheek for a small kiss, though, they came rushing back before Adrien could even try to keep them away, and, dammit, Adrien just really wished all these weird feelings, whatever they were, even the confusion about them, would just go away. Maybe then, his face wouldn't explode with heat and his stomach wouldn't get all floppy and he wouldn't open his mouth trying to speak and instead find it dry as a desert.

Maybe.

Pulling away from his best friend a little too fast, the boy made a mental note to badger his companion about "personal boundries" sometime later.

And he, if he was honest, Adrien found thinking about "personal boundries" sort of funny as he walked into a friggin' gay bar. As soon as they stepped inside, after the inital discomfort of the mere idea of a bar and alcohol finally unclouded his brain, the simple social awkwardness set in. Adrien Ross was never particularly...self-confident. Ever since college and that one boyfriend freshman year who had been his fucking world until, he apparently decided that girls, in particular, scene bitches, were "sort of his thing" and slept with several until he finally called it quits with Adrien and broke his heart, Adrien had always had this issue with his weight. His boyfriend had always told him he loved how thin he was, as strange as that might have sounded. He thought it was hot. Adrien had never really thought his stick-skininess was that special until it came from this guy's lips, and then, oh man, it was like pure gold, or something. For once, the way his bones always jutted out awkwardly and the way he could count his ribs just standing straight wasn't annoying. It was good; it made his boyfriend happy. He liked it. But apparently, he didn't like it enough, because they broke up. And when the relationship was initally over, Adrien started obsessing over his weight. As stupid as it was, as illogical as it was, his flurried, heartbroken head reasoned that maybe he just wasn't attractive enough for the guy anymore, and, hey, he should get thinner, or, rather, stay thin. Maybe then he'd get him back, be good enough to get him back. Which is when the eating issues started, and they've stuck with Adrien since. He knew it. He wasn't stupid. He knew he had anorexia, manorexia, or whatever the hell it was called. Just don't ask him to admit it, because he sure as hell won't. He wouldn't even talk about it with Ben, who he told everything to. He had a lovely case of denial, and he wasn't planning on changing it anytime soon. For anyone.

Anyway, Adrien just never felt comfortable in situations like this, with people obviously sizing him up, checking him out.

"Yeah, well," the guitarist started replying to his best friend's smart little comment, giving him a small, half-smirk over his shoulder. "You're not exactly the easiest person to argue with, Ben. You're stubbourn as a mule. A really, really, really annoying mule."

[/color]

He fidgeted uneasily, then, once the words were out and there was nothing left to say, to distract his mind from the fact he felt like he was under a spotlight, standing there, in the entrance to the building, and for a moment, there was a rush of panic that flooded him, a "deer in the headlights" sort of thing. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and race back out of the bar to go back to the tour bus and curl up in his bunk and talk to Milo or read Oscar Wilde or something that was much more in his comfort zone. Biting his lower lip, he let out a small, nervous breath, feeling his body tense and then--oh. Ben's strong hands were around his wrists, and even if he knew at the back of his mind it was more to keep track of Adrien then help comfort him, it was still his touch. Skin on skin, his calloused fingers on his pulse, Ben was there, and as long as he was there, Adrien was fine. As always. Well, almost always. Adrien sighed gently, then, feeling himself sink back into Ben's touch and Ben's body right behind him, and he sort of hoped at the back of his mind the singer didn't notice that. That would be kind of weird. He swallowed hard, trying his damn hardest to ignore the fluttery feeling in his gut, the sudden tingle and wave of heat that flew through him at the feel of Ben's lips on his ear as he whispered, warm breath ghosting against his skin as his hand moved to his sharp hipbone, and he smirked, instead. "Yes, I know how to have fun,"[/color] Adrien retorted, rolling his eyes slightly, trying to sound as annoyed as he possibly could in his situation, turning fully now, trying to also ignore how his mind complained for a split-second that Ben's hand was no longer on his hip. "I'm not a total loser. Jeez, Ben, good to know what you see me as. Thanks."[/color]

He pulled away, slightly. It was time to move on, to get this night over with (way to be positive, Ross!), but, as soon as he turned back, open-mouthed to try and talk to his friend about the evening's agenda again, he was met with a Skittle being all but shoved down his throat and a simple command of "open." Adrien blinked, letting out a small noise of surprise, but really, what could he do but let his lips close around the candy? He raised an eyebrow, giving Ben a very odd look. Chewing for a moment (it was a grape flavored Skittle; his favorite), he swallowed, and then, he gave a mock-glare to the singer, but he was smirking. "What the hell? Dude, you're so insane.[/color] And for what seemed like the millionth time that night, his brain was trying to ignore the fact that whatever Benjamin Nelkin just did was, really, sort of hot. Oh, God, his life.

And then, before could say another word, Ben was all but dragging him to the bar, Adrien wide-eyed. They stopped, and Adrien bit his lower lip, standing farther away than Ben; he just...he didn't like places like this. Yeah. Too close to alcohol for his liking. He heard his best friend order, his hazel eyed gaze moving to watch him (and mentally hoping the singer didn't just order him, like a peach and lime daiquiri, or something ridiculous) and he really hated the fact his face flushed red at the sight of Ben sticking his ass out just a little farther than was really necessary. "Jeez, you're such an exhibitionist,"[/color] the skinny boy muttered, rolling his eyes at his friend. Though...he'd be honest. If he had Ben's butt, he'd like to show it off, too.

Oh, God. Did he really just think that?

Mentally slapping himself, Adrien didn't notice the bartender standing there, behind the counter, right by him, giving him an expectant look. An embarrassed blush rising to his face, the brunette quickly shook his head. "Er, uhm, yeah,"[/color] he nervously sputtered out, giving a weak, shaky smile to the guy. "I'll have...a Coke. Diet, please. Er, a diet coke."[/color] So, yes, Adrien Ross failed at social encounters, totally. As soon as the bartender walked off, the boy's face turned back to his best friend, and he found himself frowning. "So, what? You're not drinking tonight?"[/color] Adrien asked, his tone rather flat. He knew better than that. Ben loved his booze. Especially when he went out. It never failed, and it drove Adrien nuts.

Next thing he knew, though, someone had slid up behind his best friend, leaning in close, and asking something about dancing. Adrien's hazel eyes widened, mostly out of total surprise. He...didn't really expect that. Maybe it was because A) he hadn't been to a club/bar in a while or B) maybe he thought gay bars somehow ran differently than regular ones, but he thought it would at least be a little while longer before the dance invitations started. Apparently not, though, and Adrien swallowed hard, suddenly feeling a tightness in his gut. His gaze flew to his hands, spidery fingers suddenly wringing together nervously, and he only watched the interaction between Ben and this new guy with shy, out-of-the-corner-of-his-eye glances. He could blame it on the fact he wanted to give them...privacy, or whatever, but really--Adrien recognized jealousy all too easily. He was feeling it, no doubt. A weird, heavy, burning sort of feeling his gut and his eyes narrowed as he thought, okay, maybe that guy was a little too close to Ben for his liking, and, yeah, Ben was a flirtatious person in general but he was seriously being really suggestive and it was annoying. Inhaling, the guitarist then cleared his throat, awwkwardly, suddenly, as if that would break the moment. Get to the guy to leave, or something.

But that wasn't really necessary, because seconds later, Adrien was pulled tight against Ben's body, blinking, wide-eyed, and Ben was pretty much saying they were dating.

If there was ever a moment Adrien wanted to bash his best friend's face in, it was right then.

Ben spurted off some BS about how he was "taken that evening," and Adrien just sort of stood there, looking like a dead fish or a total moron or something as he didn't really say anything. What was he going to say? His mind was kind of spinning with ohgodohgod and BenNelkinfuckingdie, and it wasn't until he felt Ben moving, leaning up and pressing his lips for the second time that night to his skin that he realized the guy was staring at him and, oh, yeah he should probably do something now, shouldn't he? "...Heh,"[/color] was all Adrien managed out, a weird little noise as he put a shaky smile on his lips, trying to pretend like he was in agreement, validating their "relationship," what Ben was claiming. It must have worked, though, because the young man left, and Adrien and Ben were left there in front of the bar holding onto each other like they seriously were a couple.

Adrien just about died when Ben dared to look up at him with those big, puppy-dog brown eyes and raise one eyebrow in that cocky little way of his and ask about dancing.

Anger boiling up in his gut, heat racing to his cheeks, Adrien let out a very, very, very loud, "What the fuck?!"[/color], and the bartender dropping off his diet coke and Ben's water and several people nearby actually stop to give the boy a weird look. Adrien huffed, fists tensing at his sides, the guitarist narrowed his gaze, eyes stuck straight on his friend. Embarrassment was pounding through his veins; he was already awkward enough in this place. He didn't need Ben pulling stunts like that all night and making it worse. "What was that?!"[/color] he cried. "No way in hell are you pulling that again tonight!"[/color] A pause, and then, Adrien let out another angry breath, throwing his hands in the air and flailing. It would actually be kind of funny if he wasn't so pissed, and, really, it probably was funny. To anyone but him. "And no I am not dancing with you!"[/color] Adrien carried on, still waving his arms in a very pissed off, hissy-fit fashion, face all flushed. "First of all, I'm all pissed now, and second of all: have you seen me dance, Ben? I'm not exactly the most graceful thing ever. I walk into walls and trip over air. I'm not dancing!"[/color]

Somewhere, at the back of his mind, Adrien remembered a quote he read somewhere. He didn't remember were: maybe a famous author, or maybe it was just on the Internet. But he remembered what it said: anger was just a cover-up for fear.

And was that so true.

This anger, his little fit, it was all trying to hide the fact, distract himself from the fact that when they were like that, Ben pressed close against him, fingers intertwined, lips leaving little kisses on skin, it felt right.

So, so damn right.
[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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TAGS: benbenben.
TEMPLATE: me. and lyrics are by sublime, from their song "boss dj." (yes, mj, that is the song from that damn video xP thankyouverymuch)
WORDS: 2503
MUSIC: "right round" - flo' rida ft. keisha
OUTFIT: here.

[benjamin raine nelkin]

MOST OF THE TIME, THERE WAS always some sort of emotion flooding over the face of benjamin nelkin. whether it was just on his face, or in his eyes, or both. and truth be told, it was usually fake. it was rare that any true, true emotions slipped through his walls. yeah, they were occasionally out there. the real ones that is. but most of the time, the was just being a performer putting on a show. it had been something he'd always been good at. his foster mother, alex, had always told him that he'd be a good showman, that he'd be perfect for the stage. and that's where he ended up. sure, she had told him to pursue acting or something like that, but music was where his heart had always been. and he was performing it whenever he could now. sometimes, he sat behind the piano, getting lost in his own little world. other times, he was bouncing around on stage, teasing his band mates, and releasing the built up energy. it was perfect for him, and he never wanted to leave. though, it was behind that piano where he felt the most real. barriers and walls fell down and he was almost at peace. he'd forget about everyone, everything, about him and just played. it was his escape, his bittersweet escape. and he wasn't complaining about it. the escape was something he needed. a single person could only stay locked up in his head for so long. that was the reason ben would sometimes lock himself in his room (or the back lounge if they were on tour) and sit in there with his keyboard and music sheets. most of his thoughts ended up on those pieces of paper. and sometimes, he'd slip something out about them, their existence. and still, no one had ever seen their them in their full view. he wanted them to be perfect before he showed them to anyone. but with how much of a perfectionist he was, he doubted that they would ever be viewed by anyone but him. but those words, the emotions, they were all the things that ben was really feeling. the pain, misery, and all the self doubting he went through every day.

but most people didn't know the real ben. hell, ben wasn't sure if he really knew who he was. the last time he had seen him was at the age of eight. he had been so shy, so innocent. watching the world though wide-eyed browns and being way too careful around his mother. it didn't matter though, the blows still came, the voices still rose louder and louder until he felt the tears burning his skin. when his mother screamed, it was never a good sign. he was always ended up scratched, bruised, bleeding. but it was always an accident he did. he always fell down the stairs, walked into the door, something like that. just anything to keep his mother out of trouble. he just wanted to be that perfect little boy, that son all the other mothers would envy his for. but things never really turned out that way. then again, does anything really go according to plan? most of life's finest things were always filled with mazes, tasks, speed bumps. but he continued to work for it. even after those twelve years he had heard no word from her.

now though, it was just a little bit tricky. part of him was still putting on the face, and another part of it was real. the part of him that was only focused on adrien that is. he didn't know why, or how even, but over the past two years he has felt his walls falling down around the boy. he opened up just a bit more with adrien than he did with anyone else. and to be completely fucking honest, it scared the hell out of him. whatever the reason for this was, he couldn't control it. he tried many, many times to not let the real him shine though. no one really needed to know how he felt, what he thought. there wasn't any person on the planet that needed to know what benjamin nelkin hated every little thing about himself. actually, adrien might have been the only person to know about any of that hatred. and the taller of the two might have always yelled at him, asked him why. ben would never answer him though. he couldn't. there wasn't anything he was ashamed of, he was just scared of finding out what would happen when he said something, anything. he was better off without it.

a smile slipped onto his lips at his best friend's comment as they entered the building. "if i was really that annoying, you wouldn't be friends with me. am i not right?" he smirked a bit, teasing the boy just a little bit. yeah, he was somewhat joking, and then he was being somewhat serious. ben wasn't the type of person that wanted people to hate him for anything. he wanted to please people, make them happy. but sometimes the act got a little out of control and things spiraled out of his control. maybe that's what happened with adrien. maybe that could explain why he was the way he was around him. but no, he wouldn't let himself think about it. he never allowed himself to think about anything that could be, what life would be like. it gotten hopes high, and he couldn't afford that. and besides, he wasn't' really good enough for anyone. he didn't deserve anyone. and yes, ben really thought that, even if he told people else wise.

benjamin did tease, flirt, a lot though. and sometimes that got him into trouble. but he really couldn't help it. with some people, it was just fun to watch their reaction to it. maybe that's why he would tease adrien more than other people. it was fun to watch him, see his reaction. unless he yelled at him, that was just... ben couldn't explain it. he would sometimes just want to curl up in the corner of his bunk and never show his face until the other boy was gone. "ok, ok, i was just asking. don't see you out too much, wasn't sure if you knew how," he stated as if it was nothing. soon though, his fingers had brushed against adrien's lips as the skittle was put into the other's lip. a curious expression crossed his face for a moment, or two, before his normal one returned. he shook whatever thoughts he had in his head out, and continued to move on. he wasn't going to let his mind linger on thoughts that shouldn't be there. adrien was his best friend. that should have been enough to stop them, but sometimes it wasn't. yeah, sometimes ben's mind scared the shit out of him. but what was he to do?

a laugh slipped through his lips at his friend's comment about what he just pulled. and he just shrugged. "and you still love me anyways," he said with a nod, before bringing them over to the bar. and yeah, ben liked to play it off like he liked his ass. but most of the time, he was self-conscious of it. it was always too round, too big. it stuck out too far, it didn't stick out far enough. yeah, sure, he'd get compliments on it from time to time, but that didn't help his true thoughts about it. all the "yeah, it's pretty amazing"s were usually false. he didn't appreciate having a "bubble butt" or an "apple bottom." but it was easier to agree than to get yelled at by people for hating his appearance. not that he fully hated it, there were just a few things he would like to change. but that's just another story. "oh come on, you know you love it." he winked at the boy, wiggling his ass just a little bit before looking at the bartender, then over at adrien again. a small smile on his lips at how nervous, awkward, he was. and yeah, he thought it was adorable, cute, precious. but he would never let the other boy know that.

he shrugged. "i don't always drink when i go out. i can be good every once in a while" and he really could. until he felt that need for it, a need to escape from his mind just a little bit. and yeah, that's when he pushed the burning liquid down his throat in hopes of such. and well, he didn't just need that.. yet at least. for now, he was content with the water he ordered. and, well, he would have thought that adrien would have been just a little bit proud of him for not ordering something alcoholic. you couldn't really tell with the boy though, he guessed. but he didn't push it on any further. not like he really had the chance to anyway.

and the next thing he knew, adrien was (basically) yelling at him. for that little thing he just pulled. nothing came out of ben's lips though, not yet. no, his body tensed at the raised voice, eyes widening just a little bit more than normal. and he was just waiting for it. the slap, the punch, the kick, the something. the thing though, was that ben knew it would never come. and it really hasn't for the past twelve years. not a true hit at least, nothing that caused the pain triggering through his system like he remembered it. and maybe, just part of him missed that. missed feeling something in reaction to actions other than a headache and words falling into his ears. but sometimes, he wished that adrien would just hurt him. he deserved it. and he always found it better than the yelling, the screeching, the whatever. but all his friend ever did was yell, criticize his actions, scowled him. but even when his best friend was done, his body remained tense as he distanced himself from the other one, taking a seat in at the empty bar stool on his other side. and he may have taken too long to say anything, but something finally slipped through his lips. "i'm just trying to have fun," he snapped quietly at his friend, still not looking at him. "a little embarrassment won't hurt you every once in a while, ross." he turned his head over at the other. so, ben might still have been waiting for the blow, his eyes might have given him away. but at a young age, he had grown used to the pain shooting through him after he did something wrong. twelve years without it, and he still hadn't grown used to it. it was etched into his mind and he doubted it would have been erased anytime soon. "and how many times have i almost fall off the stage? or just fallen in general? did you forget how much of a klutz i am?" he asked, changing his expression just a little bit to show a smirk. "and besides, it's not like you're in some boy band music video either. i'd show you what you'd have to do." he shrugged, turning his attention back to his water, taking a sip. and he immediately wished it were another clear liquid. he missed the burning feeling and the sudden rush. sure, he had said he could have gone a night without it (and he really could), but the memories flooding back. and he just wanted to rid himself from the guilt flooding through his system from adrien's reaction. for some reason, adrien always got to ben. more than anyone else. maybe it was because of what happened in college. when his former best friend broke his heart. he had always worried about him since then, always tried to protect him. but whenever he yelled, he always felt like he failed at it. and he might have just hated his self more. not that he would ever say anything to adrien about it.

he shrugged his feelings off though, like they were nothing. yeah, he really should have been used to the other getting bitchy with him, but it still hurt. and he just tired to ignore it though, move onto the next thing. "it's fine though,' he said after another moment, another sip of his water. "i'm sure i can always go find that guy again. it might not be too late." and with that, he looked past adrien, and around the area. a lightly tanned hand reaching up and readjusting his glasses. part of him trying to remember why he wore then again. oh yeah, because he sort of knew that adrien liked them. even if the other had never said anything. oh ben, you're such a little idiot. and he really tried to ignore the fact his face started to heat up just a little bit when he realized that. the boy would never really learn, and he would just continue on with convincing himself that adrien ross was just his best friend. and absolutely nothing else.

it was too soon before be brought his attention back to their area. his hand wrapping around the bottle of water and finishing whatever else there was. and this time, when the bartender returned, he actually ordered a beer, showing off the i.d., before placing it back into his pocket. honestly, adrien already yelled at him once, did it really matter if he did it again? ben already felt like shit, what's the worse that could happen now? on the outside, he didn't care. on the inside, he cared too much. he was such a mess. such a pointless mess, and there wasn't really anyone else that could force him out of the funk. he was there now, and he just wanted to be set free.

a few sips of the beer later, a small smile formed on his lips. his mind flashed back to the conversation they had earlier. and yes, he could have had a little something up his sleeve. "you are going to have fun tonight, addybaby," he half teased, half confirmed. though, with the smirk, the other could have been a little scared. though, with ben, you could never be really sure.

TAG adrien ross!
WORDS 2,397
OUTFIT prettylittlegayboy<3
CREDIT banner, template: mary jane. lyrics: bright eyes.
NOTES ben </3

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[adrien]

WHEN THINGS WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO SAY,
WAY UP ON THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BOSS DJ

BUT I WON'T WALK UP ON THE SEA LIKE IT WAS DRY LAND

OH, IT'S SO NICE; I WANNA HEAR THE SAME SONG TWICE

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When he thought on it, the fact that he and Ben were best friends really wasn't that big of a surprise. They just kind of...fit together. A) Because they were opposites (for the most part), and as over-used as the expression was, opposites did attract, and B) they had gone through similar things in their lives, and Adrien always thought that people who had gone through the same sort of pain tended to be drawn to each other, tended to bond together, sort of like soldiers back from a war or car crash victims or whatever. Knowing that someone else had suffered the same things you had, or at least some of the same things you had, was comforting, in a way. It not only gave you someone to talk to who might at least sort of understand your issues, but it let you know you weren't alone, that the pain wasn't a figment of your imagination, something that was all in your own little, screwed up head.

Both the guitarist and the singer had really been through a lot earlier in their young lives. Their situations were similar, in a sort of tragic, strange way; Adrien's mother left him and his father when he was but three years old, and Ben's dad, while he never formally left the family, was always travelling and never around (from what little Ben had actually told Adrien about his past over the past couple years of their friendship, of course), and he might has well have been gone. Adrien was stuck with an alocholic, abusive dad while Ben dealt with a very unstable (ha--an understatement, really), hurtful mother. They had both had to go through so much, deal with so much, grow up and learn to cope with so much. Even though in some respects, it did teach Adrien (he didn't really know what positivity Ben had exactly reaped from his past, if any) how to be very responsible very early, it still was far from easy. Both boys felt a lot of fear, a lot of pain on a very regular basis, and the guitarist knew that they had quite a few skeletons in their closets that they had yet to really deal with: a lot of bad memories that Adrien truly feared both of them might never get over. Even thought the two rarely spoke about their pasts (and when they did--it was usually only to each other), they both had a silent understanding of what the other went through. There was this quiet, beautiful sort of trust between the two boys. They always, always knew that if they ever needed it, they could go to the other, and that the arguments, the yelling, the stupid, petty frustrations, in the end, would all fade away if it came down to it. Adrien Ross knew Benjamin Nelkin really was everything to him, and he knew it went vice-versa.

It was calming, in a weird sort of way.

Because, unfortunately, along with that lovely, lovely feeling of closeness and belonging, Adrien's relationship with Ben carried...other confusions. About maybe, possible, more-than-friends feelings. On his side, at least (he never dared to talk to Ben about it--because God forbid he ruin their friendship over something as silly as a stupid, silly little attraction or something). He just tried to ignore the thoughts when they came up.

Before he was dragged led over to the bar, the guitarist snorted at his friend's comment. "Pssh, no. You really are that annoying. I'm just an amazing, kind, wonderful, compassionate person and am still your friend, regardless, because I know you'd be oh-so-alone without me."

[/color] Of course, he was smirking the entire time, and he knew that deep down, Ben would probably be okay if he and Adrien were to ever...split up (oh, God. That made it sound like they were together, didn't it? He couldn't think of a better term, though!). Ben had a lot of other friends, accquaintances he could probably busy himself with, strike up a new "best friendship" with (that thought in itself sort of made Adrien cringe; as weird as it sort of was, he had gotten sort of posessive of Ben and the thought of anyone else calling him "best friend" kinda pissed him off). Though, the singer would probably never, ever find someone as close as Adrien; he'd never be as real with anyone else if he and Adrien were to get in a huge fight and never speak to each other again. The skinny boy knew that he was one of very, very few who had ever been granted permission to see the Ben Nelkin most people never would have dreamed existed: a very, very insecure, scarred boy who Adrien really only saw be completely true to himself with his music, where he felt completely safe (it always frustrated Adrien a bit--to know that he could never quite make Ben feel "completely" safe).

After getting pulled over to the bar, Adrien just leaned against the wooden, polished counter, sipping at his soda, big, wide, hazel eyes watching Ben just sit there and...drink. Yeah, it was kind of creepy, but it was a habit of the guitarist's: to just observe. He could sit for hours and watch people just going about their business. Ben had probably gotten used to it over the last two years, but other people were sometimes kind of weirded out when they caught Adrien just...staring. Gently taking his spidery long fingers and drawing a circle around the cool rim of the glass, his eyes turned down to the drink and he sighed slightly. A soft, semi-serious pout came onto his lips and he whispered out, "Well, maybe I would go out more if you invited me along more than, like, once every two billion years."[/color] Really, he wasn't complaining more like stating a fact. Ben tended to enjoy partying without him, probably because he was somewhat of a "party-pooper" with his straight-edge lifetstyle and shy persona. Oh well. Eyes turning back up to his friend, he gave what he hoped was a soft, sincerely sweet smile. "I just...I prefer going out with people I really trust. And that basically amounts to you and Milo. And you know Milo; he's almost as shy as me."[/color] Letting out a weak laugh, the guitarist took another sip of his Diet Coke.

Exhaling loudly, Adrien's eyes moved over the crowd, head bopping lightly to whatever beat they had playing. He scrunched up his nose; it sounded like some kind of Katy Perry tune. Maybe even that "Ur So Gay" one. ... Hah, wouldn't that be ironic? Smirking, Adrien just rolled his eyes, quickly replying, "Ben, we are not discussing your butt anymore tonight. 'Kay? 'Kay."[/color] Then, gaze moving to lock with his best friend's, he smiled slightly again and then winked. "Aww, Benny. You should know by now how much I just love you."[/color]

And then, like some perfectly orchestrated disaster, it happened. That jerkface of guy had to come over and ask Ben to dance, and Ben had to be Ben and go and act like he and Adrien were dating, and Adrien had to flip out because he's just a sensitive loser like that. And now, Ben was upset. Like, really upset. Even though he tried to hide it, not to show it, Adrien could always tell. He had gotten far too good over the years at reading that small flicker of pain in his best friend's normally big, warm, chocolate brown eyes, and his senses were just too sharp around Benjamin Nelkin; he could almost feel the sudden discomfort and hurt oozing off of him.

Adrien knew what Ben had been through; he knew how sensitive he was to yelling, to abuse, all of that. He knew that Ben knew what he had been through, and he knew that Ben had some weird thing about needing to "help Adrien feel better." Or make things better. Try to, at least. Whatever. Either way, he knew there were a lot of things that could get Ben upset. Things that, as aformentioned, not a lot of people knew about, and that had taken Adrien a good two years and a lot of time to really pick up on, and read into. And he hated when he was stupid like this: when he upset Ben. He knew himself; he knew that he was a very whiny, easily pissed off little a-hole sometimes. He knew he could be very annoying and high-matinenance to deal with, and he knew that he and Ben's personalities clashed sometimes, especially in cases like this, when Adrien went off. He knew that, and it killed him. He wished he could change it but...well, changing oneself isn't exactly easy.

There was a long, long awkward silence after Adrien's inital hissy-fit.

The boy's hazel-eyed gaze was glued to the ground, his stick-thin arms wrapped around his bony chest, and he bit his lower lip (a nervous, uneasy habit). He could hear the chatter starting back up around him, the bartender back to bustling and filling orders, so he knew that the initial attention to his anger had worn off, thankfully. But as he dared to look up, which really, took longer than he even expected (he was just too damn scared to go a step closer to his best friend, for fear of making things worse), and he saw that beer in Ben's hand...well, he felt like crap, to say the least. Maybe it was seeing the alcohol (which made his stomach sink to his feet and dissapointment well up inside him), or maybe it was Ben's mentioning to go find that "other guy" again," (which still brought up a nasty, swirling little feeling of jealousy in his gut), but Adrien quickly spurted out, "No."[/color]

Without another word, maybe just another sigh,the boy walked forward, and as odd as it may have looked (or, you know, not: since they were in a gay bar and all), he slipped onto Ben's lap, turning himself so that he was staring right into his best friend's big brown eyes. A small semi-pout, semi-frown on his lips, Adrien just blinked, watching Ben carefully for a moment, trying to read what he saw there. But, as usual, Ben had gotten to his feelings before Adrien could, and now, all there was to see was the glossy, semi-buzzed happiness of the beer. Adrien licked his lips, and he let out another small breath. "Ben..."[/color] he started, voice careful, soft, almost pleading. "I'm sorry."[/color] There. He said it. Usually, that helped. Like it always helped when Ben said it to him. Reaching forward, Adrien cupped his friend's smooth face and leaned forward, resting his forehead against the other boy's and closing his eyes for a few seconds. To anyone else, it might seem like they were dating but...no. This was just BenandAdrien. This was how they were: affectionate with no fears. Usually. Ben moreso, and Adrien when he wanted. Like now, for instance. "For yelling at you. And going off. And being silly. I'm sorry. I know you were just joking, and I overreacted."[/color] A pause. "You know how I am."[/color] Opening his eyes and pulling back away slightly, the softest of smiles came onto his lips and he reached forward, brushing some soft, brown hair out of the way of Ben's eyes. "Now, I'll take you up on that offer of 'fun,' as mildly scary as it sounded..."[/color] Adrien leaned down, then, resting his head on Ben's shoulder, a small, uneasy look coming onto his features, and he bit his lower lip. "But, first..."[/color] The guitarist reached out, then, gently grabbing Ben's cool beer bottle from his hand and placing it down on the counter, some ways off. "Put the beer away, okay? Please?"[/color]

Even though it was sort of his fault, he still felt like crap when Ben drank around him. Just made him feel like an idiot. A jerk. A jerk idiot. And sort of, like Ben didn't care enough to really work through it with him and just wanted to medicate, not worry about it.

Sort of like his dad, all those years ago.

Damn, did everything boil down to that man?

"C'mon,"[/color] Adrien suddenly said with a big breath in, sliding off of Ben's lap and pulling the boy to his feet. "Let's dance."[/color] Pulling him to the dance floor, just in time for a new song to start, the guitarist moved up close to his best friend, their bodies almost touching, arms still holding onto the other boy, and he bit his lower lip, giving Ben a small, nervous, slightly sheepish look. "So, uhm, what? Do we just, like, start grinding...?"[/color] Adrien had no idea. Seriously. He'd only really watched people do this; he was too afraid he's fall and die and break his neck if he ever tried it himself.

But, he trusted Ben.

And even though Adrien Ross was normally stubborn as a mule, never really trying new things, if it meant helping Ben Nelkin feel better after something he had caused, he'd do it. He'd try it. Especially if Ben was right there by his side.
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TAGS: benbenben.
TEMPLATE: me. and lyrics are by sublime, from their song "boss dj." (yes, mj, that is the song from that damn video xP thankyouverymuch)
WORDS: 2258
MUSIC: "oh glory" - panic!at the disco
OUTFIT: here.

[benjamin raine nelkin]

SOMETIMES, IT COULD BE EASY TO lose yourself, forget boundaries, and get caught in the wrong moments. or were they the right ones? sometimes, ben had trouble sorting right and wrong. but he had always been that way. for the longest time,he had always felt that he was misguided somewhere along the way. part of him wanted to put the blame on his mother. his real mother, the one that no one really knew about. the woman wasn't stable (the things ben didn't know only made that statement worse) and freaked out over nothing. and for the worst situations, he had done absolutely nothing wrong. no matter what though, he will always believe that he had done something wrong. especially for that night that he had been taken away from her. sometimes, he still felt that way whenever he was yelled at, criticized on. he hated feeling that way and tried his best to avoid it, keep the feeling to himself and no one else. to be honest, ben had no clue why he was that way. maybe it was so he'd please people more often, or maybe it was to keep himself from talking about what was wrong. there was something ben never talked about though, things that could be learned by observing. like adrien had. those little things like what made him tick, what set him off. things that allowed true smiles out of the decoys. but he tried to not let anyone notice these things. he didn't want to let people see who he really was.

though, there still was things that his best friend didn't know. the drowning, the choking, any other near death experiences. no one knew about them actually. sure, his foster parents might have, but only hte last scene. the reason to why ben had been taken away from her. and sure, no matter how many times alex tried, the boy would never talk about it. he knew that she was just trying to be his mother, and also letting her "job skills" sink in. sometimes, it sucked having a psychologist (therapist, whatever) close to you. they always went on about how bad it was to keep things in and lock yourself out from everyone else. ben never did listen to her though. yeah, there were times where ben was a little bit too selfish, hard-headed, to let anyone else in. to be honest, he had never really wanted to let adrien into his "world." well.. his mind was more like it. he didn't want anyone to know that he was still just a little eight year old boy stuck in the body of a twenty year old man. but he wasn't complaining that adrien was part of his life. no, he definitely wasn't doing that. truth be told, he as actually glad that he was. he had someone he could be real with (sort of real at least) and that he could trust. well, sort of trust. there were still secrets hiding inside of his skull. but those were things that ben was sure that he would never let out. but yet, despite the differences the two had, adrien was one of the few, few people he could count on. adrien ross was a bit of a safe zone for ben, as weird as that sounded. but honestly, he couldn't even begin to explain it. it was just the way it was. and he wasn't going to complain about it. he was happy with it really. maybe, sometimes, just a bit too happy with it, like it was something else. but it wasn't. it would never be, and he knew that. so he just moved on and away from the idea and back to the present.

a smile fell over his lips (or was it a smirk? either could really work.) at his friend's comment. "oh you wish," he replied with the smirk still on his lips. but actually, the singer would be lonely without him. and he would probably be more of a mess than he already was. sure, he'd probably fine some say to deal with himself. but the thought of him ever parting ways with adrien almost killed him. sure, he had the tendency to act like it didn't matter. but he didn't like people knowing if he was more dependent on people than he was anything else. and the boy was probably a bit more dependent on the skinny boy at his side more than he should be. but he was the only one who really had any concept of who he really was. honestly, if adrien were to ever leave him, he would probably find himself more lost and confused than he had ever been. and then, well then, he would probably truly lose himself and push himself a little too far. in the end, it wouldn't be a good thing. with his luck, he'd probably find himself in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. hell, he might even find himself in the grave. but he really tried not to think about what would happen without his best friend. without the one person he could almost be true with. the boy was still there with him, whether he wanted him or not.

he could have been creeped out by adrien just watching him. but he could have grown used to it. though, he did sometimes wonder what was going on in the boy's mind when he just.. stared. sometimes, he'd be tempted to ask, but he never did. even though benjamin nelkin could be one fucking nosy son of a bitch, he knew that sometimes, people didn't want to talk about what was on their mind. if they wanted something to be known, they would say something. or hint toward something. but he wasn't ever going to push someone to talk. he knew from himself that there were some things that he never wanted to talk about. he still never had even after twelve years. even after many people tried to get him to talk. instead, he's lock himself away after they stopped bothering him. and that was when he got lost. totally and completely lost in his own world. "you could always invite yourself," he stated, looking over at his friend, biting the inside of his plush bottom lip at his friend's small pout. and even after he said, he knew the boy would never do that. it wasn't something that would be associated with adrien ross. he should know better. "or you could always ask me to go do something," he stated, biting down on his bottom lip again, quietly, with a slight shrug. "me, you and milo should all have a movie night or something. or just me and you," he said again with a shrug. personally, he was hoping more for the latter than the former. and even though they had done so a million and one times already, he just enjoyed spending time alone with adrien, curling up against his best friend. sometimes he'd complained about his taste in movies, or just teased him in general. secretly though, he loved everything about the time.

"but my ass is gorgeous," he said with a small pout, turning his head to look over at his shoulder at it. yeah, the boy could be a bit of an actor. for example, he'd always brag about this, show things off. like now, with his ass. to be honest, the boy was self conscious about it. but this may have been mentioned before, no? oh well. performing was always something benjamin did best. if people knew anything else to what he performed as, then good for them. but most people just knew the stage performances. the times he acted like a hyper active five year old, bouncing across the stage and teasing his band mates. or when he was calm, lost, in his own world behind the piano. one extreme to the other. but this was benjamin though. take it or leave it. "you better," he teased a bit at adrien, looking at him for a moment before looking down. the word "love" had always been something he couldn't actually properly say to someone. no loosely at least. he had heard his mother say it far too much when he was younger. whenever she'd bring home a new man whenever his father was traveling. after watching her for so long, and then "growing up" he had found it hard to say the simple three words to anyone. so, needless to say, he hardly ever found himself saying them to anyone in a loose manner. so instead of saying something involving it back to adrien, he just kept with his comment, and proceeded on with the night. and just going from one extreme to another. more or less.

no, it really shouldn't have been a surprise that adrien flipped on him. there was always something ben did wrong when he was around his best friend. that was just how things happened to appear over time. it was two years since their first meeting, and those two years they did get close. closer than ben had ever thought they would. but that might been because been felt horrible after his former best friend left him, and he had wanted to see the boy become happy again. there was nothing the boy looked better in than a smile, a full out toothy grin. that was all ben wanted to see again. and then, they just grew closer and closer. now, they just were what they were. benandadrien, nothing less and nothing more. truthfully, ben was positive he wouldn't have it any other way either. demented, twisted, awkward, as they were, they were prefect for one another. at least, friendship wise. though, maybe there was something inside of him that maybe that would just go a little farther, cross over the line into another territory. he would never, ever express that feeling with anyone though. benjamin wasn't the type who wanted a boyfriend. he found it made for his life to be easier. hook ups were more his sort of thing, but even those... he wasn't having them as much as he used to.

his dark chocolate eyes looked over at his friend at his sudden "no." but his eyes soon fell back down, then back up as his friend slid into his lap. instinctively, his arm wrapped around the other boy so he wouldn't fall. soon though, it might have almost been too much for him at that moment. his eyes looked up at the boy as their foreheads touched, looking at how... innocent the boy could look. and it was also then, with the other's hand cupping his face, he wondered what would have happened if he closed the space between them. he wouldn't do it though. ben might have the spontaneous one, did most things on pure impulse, but he would never do something to ruin something he cherished like this. "don't be," he almost whispered to the boy, voice quiet enough for just him to hear. and he did mean it. ben felt like he should be the one who should be sorry. but this was just ben being ben. but he didn't say any of that. instead, he just smiled softly back at the other, eyes closing a bit when he pushed his bangs out of his eyes a bit. and even if he didn't want, he still nodded at the other boy at his request. times like these, he could never say no to adrien. so he just let his friend take the beer out of his hand, and just prayed he didn't want to talk it out or whatever. one thing ben didn't do well was talking about his problems. it was so much easier for him to just forget about. forget and just move on with his life.

soon, he was being brought to the dance floor by his friend, an almost grin on his face as he did so. and then... he really couldn't help but laugh at the boy, at his question. "you can, if you want," he started, looking over at the boy before sliding his hands onto adrien's hips. "just move along with the beat," he started as he moved their hips together in the rhythm, keeping a slight distance in between them, trying to keep it easy for the boy. "ignore everyone else," he offered to make it easier for the boy, "pretend it's just me and you." he kept his eyes on the other's face, watching him with a small smile on his face.

TAG adrien ross!
WORDS 2,106
OUTFIT prettylittlegayboy<3
CREDIT banner, template: mary jane. lyrics: bright eyes.
NOTES theyarecute. and fight club is rather disturbing, but a good movie.

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[adrien]

WHEN THINGS WILL BE MUCH EASIER TO SAY,
WAY UP ON THE MICROPHONE LIKE A BOSS DJ

BUT I WON'T WALK UP ON THE SEA LIKE IT WAS DRY LAND

OH, IT'S SO NICE; I WANNA HEAR THE SAME SONG TWICE

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Really, he loved Ben. He did. The singer was his best friend, was always there for him, and nine out of ten times, he was putting a smile on his face. They were total opposites, but they fit perfectly together, in some strange little way. Adrien knew that no matter what happened in the future, in whatever was to come, good or bad, he wanted Ben to stay a part of his life. Maybe they wouldn't always be "best friends," because as hard as it was to admit, sometimes, friendships did change. They faded away as the years went by, or sometimes, they just lost their magic. But Adrien was set on always having Ben (and that sounded creepy, now that he thought on it, but, hey, that wasn't his intention). Even if they were just "good friends" or even if their relationship faded to simply more "accquaintances" or "old friends" over the years, the skinny guitarist swore he would never lose touch, never end anything with Ben badly. That would just be a little too heartbreaking. After how close they'd gotten these last two years, and after how much both boys had already been through, to just let their best friendship go up in flames would not be a good idea. They would probably both go insane, honestly. Despite the fact Ben acted like he'd be fine if he and Adrien ever went their seperate ways, he knew Ben would be as upset as he would be. Which was really, really upset.

Anyway, regardless, Adrien really cared for Ben (maybe more than he should, but, no, he didn't want to focus on that). But there were those times where the boy really wanted to hate him. Like, those moments where Ben downed just a little too much Red Bull and was super hyper, or when he was in one of his "modes" when they wrote music together (which was pretty rare, really; Ben liked to keep his music personal, which Adrien fully understood) and Ben got all OCD and perfectionist and he was just annoying to Adrien. Those moments were pretty rough, and frankly, sometimes, Adrien just kind of wanted to bash his pretty little face in (wow, they really were such good friends, weren't they?). But the worst of the worst moments that Adrien really got frustrated with Ben were those times when the singer would look him in the eye and tell him "everything was fine." Or, those moments where they would be talking about their pasts, their families, and at one point, Ben would just get up or look at Adrien and say "that's enough." Adrien always knew things weren't "fine" or what he was hearing wasn't the full story; he could see that look in Ben's big, brown eyes: that sad, far-off, look. And, frankly, it hurt the twenty-year-old to know that his best friend didn't trust him enough to tell him all that had happened in his past. He wished that Ben did, that Ben thought Adrien was enough of a friend, a comfort to tell him the whole truth. But, then again, when the guitarist really thought about it, maybe it wasn't himself that was the issue. Whatever was going on in Ben's head was Ben's problem, unfortunately, and Adrien had to respect that he might not want to share it. Even when he just wanted to grab Ben by the shoulders and shake him hard and all but scream "what's wrong with you?!", he didn't. Because he knew that if Ben knew how much it hurt him, it would just make Ben feel worse, and that's exactly what Adrien didn't want.

It was hard, but Adrien managed to deal with Ben's reluctance, even when he just wanted to fix it. That's all he wanted to do. Make his best friend see that there was nothing to worry about, be sad about, regret anymore. The past was the past, and the future could hold so many better things. He just wanted Ben to see what he saw: an amazing, amazing boy who Adrien never, ever wanted out of his life.

So, yeah. Adrien might have wanted to hate Ben on several occasions, but God knew he never could.

The smallest of smiles slipped onto Adrien's face, and he turned his gaze to his sodra for a moment, letting out a light, hardly audible laugh. "I'd like that," he whispered. "A movie night. That would be fun. But..."

[/color] Now, Adrien turned his head back up to his best friend's to lock their gazes, and he bit his lower lip. "...Just you and me. No one else."[/color]

It always made Adrien blush every single time he realized he enjoyed his best friend's company almost too much. Which, unfortunately, was a lot of the time.

Seriously, Ben could make him feel everything from super happy to super sad to super apologetic in, like, what? How long had they been here? Barely 20 minutes?

And that last one, apologetic, was currently what Adrien Ross was feeling as he stood on the dance floor, blinking at Benjamin Nelkin as he moved his hands to his hips and the music got a little bit louder. His hazel eyes widening slightly, Adrien quickly swallowed hard as the blush flushed to his face from the touch of his best friend. He prayed Ben didn't notice it. "B-But,"[/b] Adrien started, and then, he took a deep breath, trying to get his composure back. If he stuttered like that, Ben definitely notice. "I just feel badly. I'm a jerk. And I am sorry and should be sorry."[/color] Then, with a small smirk, Adrien raised an eyebrow at his friend. "So deal with it, Nelkin."[/color]

With a pause, Adrien looked down at the ground, and he bit his lower lip. It sort of dawned on him in that moment he was bringing up something kind of negative, which was probably the exact opposite of what Ben wanted when they were on the dance floor like this. So, quickly, Adrien cleared his throat, laughed awkwardly, and shifted on his feet slightly, looking back up at Ben. "Okay,"[/color] he started, giving his best friend a somewhat nervous smile. "Let's do this."[/color]

When Ben started moving their hips along with the beat, Adrien just about died. Okay, this was not his thing. He was far from graceful, and he was so awkward with his body. Exhaling softly, the boy bit his lower lip again and just tried to focus on Ben. Locking their gazes, Adrien kept his hazel eyes glued to his friend's chocolate brown, and he tried to make it like the entire world, everyone else, just kind of melted away.

Which wasn't as hard as it probably should have been.

There were so many times where it was just BenandAdrien curled up together, in each other's arms, talking to each other, that it wasn't hard to imagine it just being the two of them. And, thankfully, Adrien's nerves started to calm down. After a few moments of moving along with the beat, the two of them wordless, Adrien suddenly swallowed.

Looking down slightly, at their hips and the small space between them, Adrien blinked. "Um, shouldn't we be..."[/color] the guitarist began, his nerves showing. "...Closer? Or something?"[/color] Then, without hesitating another second, in a very un-Adrien fashion, Adrien soved his hips forward to press against Ben's, eyes widening slightly as their fonts met and...uhm, wow.

That felt kind of nice.

Which wasn't...

...Good.

Probably.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

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TAGS: benbenben.
TEMPLATE: me. and lyrics are by sublime, from their song "boss dj." (yes, mj, that is the song from that damn video xP thankyouverymuch)
WORDS:1236
MUSIC: "the rainbow connection" - sarah mclachlan
OUTFIT: here.

[benjamin raine nelkin]

BENJAMIN HAD ALWAYS HAD SOME SORT of issue going on in that head of his. there was always something that he hated himself for. one of those things might have been the little trust issues he had. but he just didn't want to get close to someone, too close, and just lose it all because of one stupid little thing. that's how he constantly felt with adrien. he was always so scared that he'd fuck something up with his best friend. that was the last thing he really wanted. adrien was his comfort of sorts, his peace keeper in a way. losing him would probably mess him up more than he'd like to give credit for. and this really made ben hate how.. how addicted he was to other people. it was weird, and messed up, and just so everything benjamin nelkin really was. his dependency on other's really wasn't the best thing on the planet. but when you mixed in the idea of him being alone in his mind, he got terrified. and yeah, wanting someone else around could make sense. not a lot, but enough for him to accept the fact that he just needed just one other person there. and if he'd like someone else's presence besides him than anyone else, then there really wasn't much he could do about it. maybe adrien made that better for him, made it easier for him to cope with. not that the boy actually knew everything.

no, there were a lot of secrets going on in that head of his. why? he didn't want to talk about it, anything that had happened in his past. he wasn't ready to cope with the fact his mother may have actually wanted him dead. or the fact that his father had no idea what was going on. the man could have fought for him though. could have learned what his beautiful wife was doing to him while he was off at some job in paris, or where ever the fuck it was his father had went. he could have stayed with his father while his mother was put away. or given a restraining order. or just something, anything, that wouldn't have had torn him away from his true family. ben thought about them a lot more than he actually liked to think he did. some nights, it would be right before he fell asleep. this would be moments before he would crawl up next to adrien, curl his body right up against the other boy's, and just fill his mind with everything his best friend was. or at least with the soft, careful touches and quiet words. this, of course, was only when adrien was around. if he wasn't, tears would sometimes fall down his cheeks. but he always ignored them. if he was desperate enough, he wished the boy was there. yeah, ben was a bit pathetic. and maybe his top addiction was adrien fucking ross. funny how things work sometimes, though, isn't it? the only person that ben cared the most about was his complete opposite. though, he would never say that he wished the boy out of his life. even then the boy got on his nerves over something. when he yelled at him, when they fought. no. not one day in the whole two years they've been friends has ben ever wished he never met him. their friendship might have been something that ben really needed.

though, he sometimes wondered where the friendship ended and something else began. they were always so much more affectionate than other friends. and if he remembered correctly, someone in his "family" had once told them that they fought like an old married couple. (ben's cheeks might have flamed up at that, but he would deny if it had ever been brought up.) but he had never found anything wrong with them. especially not when his friend accepted the offer, with the small, little smile on his lips and holding their gaze together. he also couldn't help his own smile from forming onto his plush lips at the addiction. just them, yeah. that sounded really good. he nodded in response to the boy, keeping their eyes together for a moment longer before blinking and looking away momentarily. it might have been that he realized that even if he hadn't wanted to, he would have if it made adrien happy. maybe the boy was one of his biggest weaknesses as well.

absently, his thumbs rubbed into the boy's skin as he spoke. at the words, he shook his head. "nope," he said with a smile on his lips. now, he had just wanted to forget about it. move on and just have fun. like always. now, he knew it would probably be easier, better, if he just talked about it. it would probably save a lot of sanity on his part if he applied that to everything else. but, he just couldn't. he wasn't going to let the words be forced out of his lips when he told someone what he had been through. and then there was always the chance of him getting those sympathetic looks, the "oh, i'm sorry", and other meaningless things. ben wanted nothing from no one. he didn't want someone's pity over something that had happened over a decade ago. real or fake. in his mind, it would probably make him feel worse than he did now. and maybe, he just didn't want anyone to know because, well, it wasn't really any of their business. he didn't see the point in telling people things because they were oh so curious about why he was the way he was. that was why he never spoke to any of the counselors, or therapists, he had been sent to over the years. not that many people knew he had seen though. he didn't even think adrien knew about them. but that wouldn't be all too surprising. despite the fact that adrien was the closest person to him, he still didn't know a lot about ben. the ben underneath at least. sure, he got bits and pieces of it. but he had never really admitted anything too big. but he didn't want his best friend feeling sorry for him, didn't want the views to change at all. that might have been something he feared the most as well.

and maybe, whatever thoughts he had going on in that head of his, were interrupted as words started forming out of his friend's lips. his lips had opened to start saying something, making a comment back, but his open lips soon released a small gasp as the other boy pressed his hips to his own. and yeah, okay, no. no, no, no. he was not getting any time of feelings because of his best friend. that would just... no. he blinked his eyes, shaking the feeling off, ignoring whatever it was, as he tried to play it cool. ben raised one his eyebrows at the boy, showing the bit of shock over what his friend had done. "well, i guess we could," he said with a slight laugh, trying to keep his voice even. and that might not have had worked out too well. but he tried to push it off, still, as he continued to guide the other to the beat of the music.

at one point, he leaned in close to the boy, letting his lips level off with the boy's ear. "it's not that bad, is it?" he spoke, quiet enough for only the boy to hear. and maybe he couldn't really help himself, but he allowed his head to move a bit as he pressed a small kiss to the beginning of the boy's jaw. okay, maybe he lingered his lips there for a moment longer than need be, but he would never admit to anything.

TAG adrien ross!
WORDS 1,314
OUTFIT prettylittlegayboy<3
CREDIT banner, template: mary jane. lyrics: bright eyes.
NOTES <3

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